Let me hit you with a story. My club entered an injury crisis. Aspas out because of a bruise, Rodrigo out of contracts and Morata, well, Morata.
So then I decided to open some packs. Then it hit me, yes. I opened a pack, pretty bad one (got Felipe as the best player). But I didn't focus on Felipe, instead I focused on this turd. He was the only player that could work in my squad so I thought, fuck it, let's use this guy. After using him, I believe that choice is as bad as Germany deciding to invade Russia in WW2, electing Trump as president and Liverpool getting Andy Carroll as a Luis Suarez replacement. For me in 12 games he has 1 goal, 2 assists and 3 fucking red cards along with 2 yellows. He's an abysmal excuse for a striker and a human in general, here's why.
Appearance - 0/10
I know that EA don't really render players who are bit low in the pecking order. I admit I have looked at pictures of this guy for way longer than normal and he looks like a nice looking guy in real life. (not gonna like first his Olympiakos pictures make him look like a douche.) Despite this, his fucking FIFA render is hideous. It looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame did it with Aphrodite's parallel universe opposite and it spawned Guerrero, that's how bad it is.
Pace - 1/10
I really feel bad for his wife here. This motherfucker is so slow its unreal. He can't catch up to Fazio when he was the ball. Fucking Fazio come on EA. I have no idea in Physical Education class if he was taught how to run at all because all he can do is jog,. Even if I hold the sprint button, this bitch disobeys my command and decided to fucking jog towards the ball, getting obliterated by any other player near him. Guerrero means warrior in Spanish but this dude is the complete opposite. How the fuck is this card even a gold is a question of the ages that Steve Hawking died before he could solve this mystery ("Oh but this card was released after he died, how is this possible?!?![fuck off]). Just writing this review is giving back the anger I had when playing with this guy god damn. I'm giving him a 1 because he can move so that's not bad, he just moves at a pace where Bolt could run 400m faster than he can run 50m.
Shooting - 0/10
I don't know if you saw that Mahrez penalty against Liverpool or that famous Sergio Ramos penalty but if you like to miss the target by more than 20 meters this is the guy for you. According to EA, this is his best stat but, Tap ins? Misses them. Sweatys? Can't score em. Long shots? Only thing he can hit is the crowd. Hotel? No.
Team Player - -100000/1
This guy amazingly makes every single other player in the saem squad he is look like shit. This dude makes people like Modric, Isco and KDB look like a disabled Morata. I have no idea how this is even possible but with IF Aspas at the front, the team was ok but when this guy arrived, Hoe Lee Zit. My only answer to this is that this dude is a wizard that just sucks up the stats from his teammates to give to the opponent so that they can have the stats. He makes every opposing defender looks like Van Dijk on steroids, even fucking horrible players look good against him.
Passing - 2/10
He can complete 3 meter passes but once you increase that range his accuracy diminishes by quite a lot. I was in a situation where he was unmarked and had Scream Busquets close by. Instead of giving him the ball, he somehow does this https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HonestCrispAmericanshorthair-max-1mb.gif . And once he uses his weak foot, holy shit, he can't complete any pass at all. It's like if you took a baby that just learned how to walk, but then he misses badly and he hits his head and he has a bump and he has to go to the doctor and he gets a checkup and then he gets medicine and then he mends his bump but since he hits his head while he was young he stays a bit "slow" during his life and he gets PTSD of that very same event and he has to relive it through the rest of his life. That's Guerrero's weak foot in a nutshell.
Dribbling - 1/10
This is worse than Alex Jones' conspiracy theory on Michelle Obama (google that if you don't know it, it's fun). HE. CAN'T. DRIBBLE. FOR. ANYTHING. This dude can't move the ball with his left or right leg. It's like he moves normally with every off ball movement but once he gets the ball, his legs get a special paralysis where he cant't move his feet till a defender gives him the vaccine when he removes the ball from him, it's a constant cycle. I have no idea why this happens but, this once again proves this man is special.
Defending - 0/10
Strikers don't defend so idc about this part. I'm still giving him a bad rating because i'm biased on how bad he is with tackling that he is quite slow when he does it. It's like I input the slide tackle command, he just stands there like he was saying "Fuck you, I will not be a slave, I will do the commands seconds after you input them so that I can get red cards and leave the game, fuck you." This card is atrocious.
Physical - Non existent number worse than negative infinity/10
This guy is not strong at all. He is as strong as any cookie ever inside a lunchbox, it crumbles to pieces. Same with his physical. When he faced off against defenders he tried to cover against, he got pushed aside, quite easily and quite frequently. Also his stamina is 70 but it feels way worse that I once again feel bad for his wife. After 45 minutes of playing, this dude had red stamina and couldn't reach any through ball that was being provided to him with ease. This just proves that the numbers are a lie. It's all a lie. He's worse than the numbers say.
In conclusion, this card is horrible. He can't do anything at all. If he tries to do anything, he flops hard. I have hatred towards this guy that I don't want to write anything anymore. Bye.
Honestly, the dude could complete a few passes and dribbles so he was ok with holding the ball back.
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