Player Review

92 - TOTY Honourable Ment

5.0

Erling the Brute

By ElVinnyJr, 09-02-2022

When i saw this man pop up in my future stars player pick, my eggplant enlarged to a size never before seen, accompanied by a tingling feeling i have never felt. What can i say... Erling the Brute is exactly that... a BRUTE. His strength is only paralleled by the great Hulk himself. His bullish power and exquisite shooting makes this card something to tell your grandkids about. Picture this... 92 varane and 90 rudiger storming directly at Haaland whilst he uses a mere fraction of his power to swiftly brush them aside on his journey to the long awaited opposition goal. I had several Erling-gasms just from seeing his ginormous legs gallivanting across the pitch like a gazelle. Every time i would enter a game, people would message me to beg for mercy BUT NO. No one shall be spared when facing the Brute himself. He runs like 2008 Usain bolt, he dribbles like messi after taking a wiff of a blunt and shoots like he's trying to impregnate the goal. This man is... Perfect. I have used many strikers in this game and i can tell you right now... none have the sheer seggs appeal that this man has. His Lucius long hair makes me quiver with excitement as i open the oppositions defence like a 100k pack that has no walkouts in it. My father once walked in while i was using him and began licking the screen due to the Brute's exquisite beauty. There is not much more to say... Erling the Brute is my lover and I 100% recommend this card.

Everything...

Lucious long hair
Beautiful legs
A shot powerful enough to impregnate
Makes spectators lick TV screens

Absolutely nothing

Formation: 41212-2

Position: ST

Games: 5

GPG: 2.40

APG: 1.00

5.0

Overall

5.0

Value

5.0

Stamina

Pace (10/10)

Shooting (10/10)

Passing (10/10)

Dribbling (10/10)

Defending (5/10)

Physicality (10/10)

See All reviews...

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Erling Haaland

ABSOLUTE BEAST

This man is an absolute beast 20 goals and 3 assists in 7 games. He does not miss, blast it at the keeper and it's in, left foot or right foot, doesn't matter. He also has better dribbling than I thought he would have. My go to striker in FIFA 22.

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Erling Haaland

Haaland?

When I packed Haaland I was extremely eager because I'm a fanboy and I really wanted to try him but then a feeling of dread came upon me when I remembered his height and his agility. As I expected he is good at shooting, his positioning is excellent, but of course he is a truck of a man. I think Haaland is the type of card you need to know how to use correctly. Do not be sad when he looses the ball, doesn't run as fast as y...

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