Player Review

When i saw this man pop up in my future stars player pick, my eggplant enlarged to a size never before seen, accompanied by a tingling feeling i have never felt. What can i say... Erling the Brute is exactly that... a BRUTE. His strength is only paralleled by the great Hulk himself. His bullish power and exquisite shooting makes this card something to tell your grandkids about. Picture this... 92 varane and 90 rudiger storming directly at Haaland whilst he uses a mere fraction of his power to swiftly brush them aside on his journey to the long awaited opposition goal. I had several Erling-gasms just from seeing his ginormous legs gallivanting across the pitch like a gazelle. Every time i would enter a game, people would message me to beg for mercy BUT NO. No one shall be spared when facing the Brute himself. He runs like 2008 Usain bolt, he dribbles like messi after taking a wiff of a blunt and shoots like he's trying to impregnate the goal. This man is... Perfect. I have used many strikers in this game and i can tell you right now... none have the sheer seggs appeal that this man has. His Lucius long hair makes me quiver with excitement as i open the oppositions defence like a 100k pack that has no walkouts in it. My father once walked in while i was using him and began licking the screen due to the Brute's exquisite beauty. There is not much more to say... Erling the Brute is my lover and I 100% recommend this card.