Player Review

Oh my golly gosh. What have I just witnessed. This is the most pleasureable experience to play with such a marvellous chap. Messi the chappo, oh what a player. His foot moves at the speed of a gazelle, eloquently agile and hunting after its prey. What an outstaning performance this was last matchus. Simply splendid. My gosh he can dribble. My great friend Bobby Moore tried to tackle him... and fell on his abnormally large backside. Messi looked round and said 'ho ho ho, that was a bit easy my friend.' And then he body feinted the ball through the poor goalkeepers legs, who consequently fell on his universally-sized backside too, and chipped the ball into the BULGING net that rippled on contact. This man is the most gifted Central Attacking Midfielder (if you pray care to play him there inside the game tactics). So go and splash the cash right now, chaps and chappetes!